For those who don’t follow me well enough, I recently found out I have two tears in my left knees meniscus. I am no expert on the injury itself but from multiple doctor explanations, I have established it is the cushioning between my knee joints. Apparently a tear can occur after a sudden jolt, brutal impact, or overuse and when it does it is extremely painful. However I don’t know when this injury occurred, as you may know from my previous post I worked at a petrol station that required heavy lifting most of the time and this was where I started feeling pain. I thought nothing of it, until I got a job filling shelves at a supermarket and the constant bending, lifting and movement became too much.
This was almost 4 months ago now and I continue to sit at home awaiting to hear from the hospital, as my doctor sent a referral to get a knee operation. Since I have no medical insurance I am left on the public waiting list, which could be a long while of waiting before the official day of surgery. At the moment I am scheduled to see a surgeon on October 15, not for surgery but to get their opinion on the knee itself and figure out how bad it is.
I can tell you, it is extremely bad.
I have used many analogies to describe the pain I experience, such as a sensitive tooth constantly having ice sitting on the tooth itself, or the idea of someone shoving a big handful of ice into your knee and leaving it there, hell some nights it feels like a fire raging inside the knee itself. It is a constant pain that leaves me limping, unable to do much physical activity and watch exactly how I walk incase I ruin it more.
The massive waiting time however has left me with no job and no ability to search for one (as I cannot deal with the pain of frequent use), which as you would assume as left me with a huge lack of funds.
The injury itself has put a massive Stop sign in myself, holding me back from my dreams of losing weight, getting a new job, attending gaming events, getting my own place and becoming an adult with a full time career. I am stuck living at home after a number of unfortunate circumstances and it is saddens me that I have found myself in this predicament, when I want to move on and enjoy life, striving towards my goals. My parents don’t seem to understand the pain I endure and my Dad makes it his daily mission to make snide comments regarding my lack of work, yet I cannot fix that.
It feels like someone has paused an amazing movie at its most crucial moment, and you are left sitting at that pause screen for months on end hoping that things will continue and you can find out the movie key moments. That painful wait has become brutal at times, looking at myself and wanting to lose weight but am unable to partake cardio, watching as my funds continue to decrease yet there is no way to earn more money, the idea of attending gaming events to further strive towards my journalism goal but I cannot attend because of lack of funds for flights and the knee issue holding me back from frequent activity.
Today has been one of those hard days, that continue to arise even after such an amazing day experienced yesterday. I sometimes wish I could fast forward life till the surgery so I can start on the road to recovery, allowing me to continue on my dreams that I shared in my first blog.
There is not much more I can do, but rest and watch everything I want slowly slip further from my grasp. And it is a hard reality to hold, knowing you cannot do anything to improve your life no matter what.
Not to sound completely depressive, I do love where I am at the moment with my writing abilities; but sometimes it is the parts of life surrounding my writing that really matters.
I shall keep you updated on my knee and when surgery will commence, but I guess all I can do is continue to wait with positive thoughts in my mind.